That was the joke from my housemate M which when you think about that – isn’t funny at all.. men, especially successful, rich men, having more than one family is very common. Initially I was quite annoyed at how these men shamelessly wooing young unmarried ladies despite having 3, 4, 5 children. I personally had a few encounters with them which puzzled me a lot – we could talk about how many children he had just 1 second before he invited me for an overnight trip at the lake. I really didn’t understand this logic – so in the end I couldn’t resist asking ‘are you sure you don’t have to get permission from your wife for going out with a girl?’ guess what’s the response..?? Laugh! Very loudly! I mean it was not to shield his embarrassment at attempting extra-marital affairs –but that HEY YOU MUST BE KIDDINGME! kind of laugh!! As if this question was so ridiculous!
It was not until very recently that I gained understanding about this ‘logic’ – this is a socially accepted practice when successful men should spread his ‘wealth’ (a concept I will need another piece of writing to explain it.. this isn’t as simple as the ‘wealth’ we interpret in the western context). By practising polygamy, he is seen as doing good for the society as he’s not selfish to share his ‘wealth’. And girls, on the other hand, appreciate this goodness and therefore no reason to reject such kindness. People actually dislike rich men who don’t ‘share’ therefore whatever I encountered so far is merely a way of ‘expressing goodwill’. Ah – now I understand how UNGRATEFUL I am!!
However don’t worry about my safety here as these men aren’t ‘dangerous’ – they’re merely trying their luck out on a mzungu girl. Mzungu girls are generally more difficult to court and you need more money and social status to be successful (and therefore having to receive so many ‘invitations’ doesn’t mean I am particularly attractive – it’s merely my identity as a ‘mzungu’) therefore if you have a mzungu girlfriend you must be a very successful guy. Malawians are very polite and that’s what I like about them. Some people (non-Malawian Africans) say they’re too reserved and I think this actually is very good for doing my fieldwork here. People do not dare to do ‘big’ thing – that’s why you don’t hear much about robbery but just a lot of petty thefts. And men could take ‘no’ anyhow there’re plenty fish out in the sea where they could easily fish somewhere else.
Too bad there aren’t invitations from young handsome bachelors – the average age of my interviewees is perhaps 50.. ahh perhaps this is the biggest mistake in my fieldwork! LOL!
No comments:
Post a Comment