I arrived London Heathrow. Uneventful. Of course you don’t expect anything peculiar to happen once you’re out of Africa.. so I’m getting back to the ‘safe zone’ where things are operating in a timely and predictable manner, and even if things get out of control you can always put things back in ‘order’ by, for example, complaining.
Oh ya I am back to the UK.
I brought back two checked in baggage because Ethiopian Airlines is so generous to allow 2 pieces of checked luggage each weighs 23kg maximum. So I tried to make the best out of such generosity. But you know I forgot to factor in an important consideration – i.e. nobody is going to help me with the luggage. I have been so spoilt with helpful people around for three months. I forgot that I had to do things all by myself once I step on the land of a ‘developed’ nation.
So I was just standing in front of the ticket barrier – I can assure you that I really looked helpless with two massive baggage. But the huge walkie talkie ticket man standing idly at the barrier didn’t even bothered to take a glance at me. Ok fine maybe I should just opened my mouth to ask for help. But ah ah.. (I learn this very African expression that means ‘no no’) the reply was simply ‘do it yourself’ (I am too busy being idle! – ah this expression I added it myself of course). I later had to ask help from many other passers by to carry one of the suitcases when I needed to get through the escalators. And people only helped up the extent which is convenient to them. I’ve lost my African people who would take a big detour just to help you to your destination. That’s why I needed to ask help again and again.
At that moment I just wished to turn back and take the next flight back to Malawi. I definitely do not wish to spend too much time in a place where people are too cautious and too busy to even take a glimpse at other human beings.
I am going to miss you, all of you, for as long as I don’t see you..
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Goodbye my love 12/08/10
I’m now sitting at Kamuzu International Airport departure lounge. I’m indeed exhausted. So tired because I had slept very little for two days. I dozed off standing while waiting in the queue for checking in luggage (ah if you know me you know I can do this..!). For two days it was frantic as I wanted to spend each and every minute with the wonderful people I have met. There was no time wasted on sleep..
On the way to the airport I again was greeted with a truck load of people, singing happily together despite having very limited space which probably made their seats very uncomfortable. I could see and hear them clearly from the front seat. I smiled and showed the ‘schup’ sign to them and of course they returned it with lots of schups.. God knows when I will have the next chance to see such lovely people again..
It’s indeed very difficult for me to leave. To leave you, and you, and you.. If only I didn’t make the choice to do a PhD, didn’t make the choice to jump into this project, didn’t make the choice to get to Malawi, didn’t make the choice to take the risk, didn’t make the choice to.. you know there were hundreds of choices I had gone through before I met you. We could miss each other very easily if only any of us made a choice not to keep to the appointment. There’re hundreds of ways if we want to connect to people; but there’re hundreds too if we don’t want to. I have chosen to want to connect with you and I thank you for choosing the same.
For all the people who have helped me, loved me, inspired me – I thank you for making this period of time one of the most wonderful time in my life. Even for those who gave trouble to me, annoyed me, discouraged me – I thank you for challenging me. This trip is just wonderful – too wonderful I have no words to put an end to it.. and indeed I don’t want to put an end to it. I had laughed and cried; had been smart (sometimes) and silly (most of the time..); had been puzzled and then started to understand.. had loved and hated.. had got angry, very angry, then calmed down.. had.. ohhh I just can’t put them in one sentence.. this is indeed a very short trip that is packed with too many ingredients in it.
Thank God. Thank you friends. Thank you enemies. Thank you everyone here in Malawi, and those who have helped me to come. I can’t be more grateful. This is just fantastic. But this is just so sad now to leave. I will come back again. Amitabha.
On the way to the airport I again was greeted with a truck load of people, singing happily together despite having very limited space which probably made their seats very uncomfortable. I could see and hear them clearly from the front seat. I smiled and showed the ‘schup’ sign to them and of course they returned it with lots of schups.. God knows when I will have the next chance to see such lovely people again..
It’s indeed very difficult for me to leave. To leave you, and you, and you.. If only I didn’t make the choice to do a PhD, didn’t make the choice to jump into this project, didn’t make the choice to get to Malawi, didn’t make the choice to take the risk, didn’t make the choice to.. you know there were hundreds of choices I had gone through before I met you. We could miss each other very easily if only any of us made a choice not to keep to the appointment. There’re hundreds of ways if we want to connect to people; but there’re hundreds too if we don’t want to. I have chosen to want to connect with you and I thank you for choosing the same.
For all the people who have helped me, loved me, inspired me – I thank you for making this period of time one of the most wonderful time in my life. Even for those who gave trouble to me, annoyed me, discouraged me – I thank you for challenging me. This trip is just wonderful – too wonderful I have no words to put an end to it.. and indeed I don’t want to put an end to it. I had laughed and cried; had been smart (sometimes) and silly (most of the time..); had been puzzled and then started to understand.. had loved and hated.. had got angry, very angry, then calmed down.. had.. ohhh I just can’t put them in one sentence.. this is indeed a very short trip that is packed with too many ingredients in it.
Thank God. Thank you friends. Thank you enemies. Thank you everyone here in Malawi, and those who have helped me to come. I can’t be more grateful. This is just fantastic. But this is just so sad now to leave. I will come back again. Amitabha.
A (half) day off at Chitimba.. another good spot to enjoy Lake Malawi :) 07/08/10
Today I allowed myself a day off. A COMPLETE day off. I’ve got my day off every weekend, but that were always almost a cheat because my mind was always working, processing my research data, and I had to keep on communicating with people and continue to plan, make calls and think, think, THINK....
I got a lift from the Livingstonia University vehicle, accompanied by MM – he was so kind to accompany me down the hill. Africans are good host, very good host: they are very polite, and think they should always make you comfortable, always accompany you for everything – meals, walks, TV, chat.. I think you’ll be left alone only when you take your shower!
So I was at the beach, wanted to stop thinking for just about 24 hours – felt like stealing time! I allowed myself to check in a touristic looking lodge for the first time since I came – never did that due to tight budget.. but to allow peace of mind, just let me do it for once.. and it wasn’t too expensive for a dorm bed that’s why. After sleeping for an hour on the couch, without slight care about my weird sleeping position in a public place, I headed for the moment I had waited for a long, long time since three months ago..
I was lying on the beach (no, correction: it does look like beach but in fact it is lakeshore – Malawi doesn’t have coastline but only a huge, beautiful lake). Listening to the wave of the lake. And watching the wave coming from all directions. Alone. Just by myself. Oohhh it’s so so so therapeutic..! I couldn’t ask for more things at that moment. And I didn’t have to care for just anything. Nothing. Just myself. The lake. The wind. The wave. The sand. Nothing. Not even a thought.
Then in the middle of my dream I was awaken by some weird sound – I opened my eyes to.. hahaha.. bull eyes!!! You know there’s perhaps one of the last things you would expect yourself to wake up to.. those big, round, idle eyes – they weren’t aggressive but rather inquisive as if asking me ‘hey what are you doing here..?’ well then only I realise I was sitting among their food (i.e. the thatch grass)!!! Some of them had those horns which I imagined could be used to throw me out of their food zone..!
Well luckily I was spared. But my moment of peace didn’t last very long. A 12-year old looking boy tried to convince me he was 17 and asked a string of questions. I took the opportunity to ask him where to get cheaper food. So he took me to his ‘village’ (well in the end it happened to be just another shop by the roadside, but of course it’s fine because it saved me from buying food that is three times more expensive in the lodge) to some food as the food at the lodge I stayed at was just too expensive for me. On coming back from his ‘village’, we bumped into a group of kids who, again, asked money from me. And when I refused to give, they shouted F... you! (as if in chants) to me – to my shock of course because I was asked for money but not even once I was cursed with the f words. Perhaps these kids are living too close to touristic areas and receiving too much ‘information’ from outside world.
Well after all the special encounters I lied down again on the sandy shore to enjoy the last peaceful moments before it got dark. Hmm guess what again you never will be ensured of getting what you actually want in Africa – this time I opened my eyes to four naked boys who shouted ‘give me pen! Give me pen!’ hahaha.. oh my!! While extending one of their hands to get a pen from me, another hand covered their private parts.. you could image how funny the scene was..! Amused, I gave them a pen which sent them all chasing after the friend who successfully grabbed the pen from me.. hahaha!
Africa is so funny. So interesting. Even a simple holiday could induce so much excitement beyond imagination!
I got a lift from the Livingstonia University vehicle, accompanied by MM – he was so kind to accompany me down the hill. Africans are good host, very good host: they are very polite, and think they should always make you comfortable, always accompany you for everything – meals, walks, TV, chat.. I think you’ll be left alone only when you take your shower!
So I was at the beach, wanted to stop thinking for just about 24 hours – felt like stealing time! I allowed myself to check in a touristic looking lodge for the first time since I came – never did that due to tight budget.. but to allow peace of mind, just let me do it for once.. and it wasn’t too expensive for a dorm bed that’s why. After sleeping for an hour on the couch, without slight care about my weird sleeping position in a public place, I headed for the moment I had waited for a long, long time since three months ago..
I was lying on the beach (no, correction: it does look like beach but in fact it is lakeshore – Malawi doesn’t have coastline but only a huge, beautiful lake). Listening to the wave of the lake. And watching the wave coming from all directions. Alone. Just by myself. Oohhh it’s so so so therapeutic..! I couldn’t ask for more things at that moment. And I didn’t have to care for just anything. Nothing. Just myself. The lake. The wind. The wave. The sand. Nothing. Not even a thought.
Then in the middle of my dream I was awaken by some weird sound – I opened my eyes to.. hahaha.. bull eyes!!! You know there’s perhaps one of the last things you would expect yourself to wake up to.. those big, round, idle eyes – they weren’t aggressive but rather inquisive as if asking me ‘hey what are you doing here..?’ well then only I realise I was sitting among their food (i.e. the thatch grass)!!! Some of them had those horns which I imagined could be used to throw me out of their food zone..!
Well luckily I was spared. But my moment of peace didn’t last very long. A 12-year old looking boy tried to convince me he was 17 and asked a string of questions. I took the opportunity to ask him where to get cheaper food. So he took me to his ‘village’ (well in the end it happened to be just another shop by the roadside, but of course it’s fine because it saved me from buying food that is three times more expensive in the lodge) to some food as the food at the lodge I stayed at was just too expensive for me. On coming back from his ‘village’, we bumped into a group of kids who, again, asked money from me. And when I refused to give, they shouted F... you! (as if in chants) to me – to my shock of course because I was asked for money but not even once I was cursed with the f words. Perhaps these kids are living too close to touristic areas and receiving too much ‘information’ from outside world.
Well after all the special encounters I lied down again on the sandy shore to enjoy the last peaceful moments before it got dark. Hmm guess what again you never will be ensured of getting what you actually want in Africa – this time I opened my eyes to four naked boys who shouted ‘give me pen! Give me pen!’ hahaha.. oh my!! While extending one of their hands to get a pen from me, another hand covered their private parts.. you could image how funny the scene was..! Amused, I gave them a pen which sent them all chasing after the friend who successfully grabbed the pen from me.. hahaha!
Africa is so funny. So interesting. Even a simple holiday could induce so much excitement beyond imagination!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Livingstonia Missionary Hospital 06/08/10
I came with a question of why and how people travel all the way up such bad route just to get treatment whilst there are other hospitals or health centres around.
The ambulance goes down the hill to the lakeshore to collect patients 3 times a week – Monday, Tuesday and Friday. On coming up the hill, the patients need to bring along their food for the period of stay they anticipate. There’s no catering service in the hospital so sometimes if they’re really ill, they also have to bring along their guardians who can cook for them. So the ambulance takes not only patients, but also luggage and patients’ family members.
But still they come. Even though it’s much more convenient and free of charge if they go for government health facilities near the shore. People really go for good service. At least at missionary hospitals the staff try their best and they treat you as ‘patients’ (not as ‘cases’), as I heard. At government health facilities, what I gathered from patients was that the prescription could be written even before you finish elaborating their problems. ‘They just want to clear the queue’.
If only we can do our job with a little bit compassion, we really can make this world a better place no?
The ambulance goes down the hill to the lakeshore to collect patients 3 times a week – Monday, Tuesday and Friday. On coming up the hill, the patients need to bring along their food for the period of stay they anticipate. There’s no catering service in the hospital so sometimes if they’re really ill, they also have to bring along their guardians who can cook for them. So the ambulance takes not only patients, but also luggage and patients’ family members.
But still they come. Even though it’s much more convenient and free of charge if they go for government health facilities near the shore. People really go for good service. At least at missionary hospitals the staff try their best and they treat you as ‘patients’ (not as ‘cases’), as I heard. At government health facilities, what I gathered from patients was that the prescription could be written even before you finish elaborating their problems. ‘They just want to clear the queue’.
If only we can do our job with a little bit compassion, we really can make this world a better place no?
Amazing Race up to Livingstonia 05/08/10
I had been quite hesitant in getting to Livingstonia because the only way up is through hitch hiking a vehicle and you need to get through 20 bends through very bad roads.
But in the end I decided to go because I was really curious about how people could build a town up the hill without getting the road done? Why would we have schools, university and hospital so high up even though there is no good route access? What attracted people, for example university students, to travel to a place like this – is this something about the missionary so mysteriously wonderful that I couldn’t understand?
People told me I needed to take a minibus from Mzuzu to Chitimba then from Chitimba roadblock I should get a lift from just anybody who wants to drive up there. If I am lucky I shall wait no longer than 2 hours. But if I am unlucky I could spend 2 days waiting. Opps. But ahhh. I took the risk. I said to myself if I didn’t manage to get a lift by 3pm I would just walk up the hill I don’t believe I couldn’t get there in two hours. Well could be hard with my luggage but if the Malawians can do that, why can’t I?
One thing you shall be very careful about Malawians is the length of time they told you about travelling. Well the information I had got was it should take about 2 hours from Mzuzu to Chitimba. Hmm in reality it took double of that. However I was just super lucky today. I got to Mzuzu bus depot just 3 minutes before the bus left for Karonga (Chitimba is half way from Mzuzu to Karonga). And the minute I got down from the bus, there was already a car which was just about to leave to climb the hill.
But that was a frustrating scene. There were already 15 people waiting to get into the 4x4, which probably (according to ‘normal’ standard) could take only half of these people, I mean without luggage. But we had piles of luggage here. Ahhh.. I thought perhaps I should just wait for the next vehicle, there was just NO WAY I could get into the car.
I ran toward the front seat, pleaded to the driver to take me in. He glanced at me, nonchalantly, while pointing his finger to the back of the car ‘if you can get in there, ok’.
I went back to look at this impossible mission of squeezing 15 people into such a small space. I suddenly thought of Chinese acrobat, or some contortionists, the one that involved bending one’s joints to some impossible angles to squeeze into a small bottle or something.. well UNLESS we could do that, there was no way to fit everybody inside.
But miracle always happens in Africa. I don’t know how but somehow they squeezed everybody in. And all the luggage too. Thank God there was no chicken or pigs or any other animals today.. Of course everybody was in different sitting, squatting, hanging, etc.. positions. There was not even 1 inch of empty spaces wasted. The driver came over to push everybody in just like pushing chicken into a cage.. lol!
I was about to turn away before a local person stopped me – ‘if you don’t get in this, you may not get another vehicle’. Ahhh.. well...
I glanced at the driver – he held his hands up signalling there was nothing he could do ‘no, look at this – NO’.
I got another idea. I went back to the front seat. There was just one guy sitting at the passenger seat – so why not I just squeeze in.. hey I am just size 8!
‘Can I squeeze in?’ – and this time I was lucky.. ‘Ok jump in – we’re going to charge you 500kwacha’.
Ahh well I think they purposely didn’t allow me to get into the back seat so that they could take 500kwacha because of ‘special VIP seat’ at the front. The rest pays 300kwacha. But yay I was lucky! At least I didn’t have to wait for 2 days! And 500kwacha for a lift up the hill is indeed cheap!
The road was soooo bad that people were throwing up throughout the drive. It was one sharp turn after another. No tarred road at all – all rocky, bumpy road. Any slight mistake could really cost your life!
Half way up the hill we had to stop the car because one of the passengers couldn’t stand it anymore. It was a relief for everybody to just come down from the stuffy condition even for just a few minutes. However it was lucky for us to stop because we spotted one of the tyres was already punctured. Phew.. that was a close call – imagine what could happen if we continued driving with a flat tyre..!
After the spare tyre was replaced we continued the second half of the torturous journey. But this time I volunteered to sit at the back because I think the girl (who threw up badly) should deserve the VIP seat at the front. I didn’t know how to just plunged myself into the crowd so I waited until everybody was in – and that actually wasn’t very wise because the later you get in the worse ‘seat’ (well there wasn’t seat but I mean ‘position’) you get. So I ended up having a very small space where I could barely squat. I had to half squat, half sit, half stand.. I don’t even know how to describe that – so in the end I found myself half rested on somebody’s feet and partly on my own shoes; and somebody’s knee was on my shoulder and somebody’s arm around my neck.. it got worse when the car moved I was thrown into different positions but found no grip to stabilise myself.. I was seated very close to the rear of the car – the back window wasn’t close so when the road got really bumpy I felt I could be thrown out of the car any minute..!
Anyhow I found this quite amusing – can you believe some people actually dozed off in such condition, while having another person throwing up beside them! Most were just chatting and looked amazingly calm and easy.. well you know after three months here I somehow learned to stay cool no matter how bad the situation is. So I still managed to snap some pictures, very bad ones of course, despite having to constantly balance myself from flying out of the vehicle! Talking about the spirit of paparazzi! Yay!
And I am now very lucky to be alive to tell the story. He he.
But in the end I decided to go because I was really curious about how people could build a town up the hill without getting the road done? Why would we have schools, university and hospital so high up even though there is no good route access? What attracted people, for example university students, to travel to a place like this – is this something about the missionary so mysteriously wonderful that I couldn’t understand?
People told me I needed to take a minibus from Mzuzu to Chitimba then from Chitimba roadblock I should get a lift from just anybody who wants to drive up there. If I am lucky I shall wait no longer than 2 hours. But if I am unlucky I could spend 2 days waiting. Opps. But ahhh. I took the risk. I said to myself if I didn’t manage to get a lift by 3pm I would just walk up the hill I don’t believe I couldn’t get there in two hours. Well could be hard with my luggage but if the Malawians can do that, why can’t I?
One thing you shall be very careful about Malawians is the length of time they told you about travelling. Well the information I had got was it should take about 2 hours from Mzuzu to Chitimba. Hmm in reality it took double of that. However I was just super lucky today. I got to Mzuzu bus depot just 3 minutes before the bus left for Karonga (Chitimba is half way from Mzuzu to Karonga). And the minute I got down from the bus, there was already a car which was just about to leave to climb the hill.
But that was a frustrating scene. There were already 15 people waiting to get into the 4x4, which probably (according to ‘normal’ standard) could take only half of these people, I mean without luggage. But we had piles of luggage here. Ahhh.. I thought perhaps I should just wait for the next vehicle, there was just NO WAY I could get into the car.
I ran toward the front seat, pleaded to the driver to take me in. He glanced at me, nonchalantly, while pointing his finger to the back of the car ‘if you can get in there, ok’.
I went back to look at this impossible mission of squeezing 15 people into such a small space. I suddenly thought of Chinese acrobat, or some contortionists, the one that involved bending one’s joints to some impossible angles to squeeze into a small bottle or something.. well UNLESS we could do that, there was no way to fit everybody inside.
But miracle always happens in Africa. I don’t know how but somehow they squeezed everybody in. And all the luggage too. Thank God there was no chicken or pigs or any other animals today.. Of course everybody was in different sitting, squatting, hanging, etc.. positions. There was not even 1 inch of empty spaces wasted. The driver came over to push everybody in just like pushing chicken into a cage.. lol!
I was about to turn away before a local person stopped me – ‘if you don’t get in this, you may not get another vehicle’. Ahhh.. well...
I glanced at the driver – he held his hands up signalling there was nothing he could do ‘no, look at this – NO’.
I got another idea. I went back to the front seat. There was just one guy sitting at the passenger seat – so why not I just squeeze in.. hey I am just size 8!
‘Can I squeeze in?’ – and this time I was lucky.. ‘Ok jump in – we’re going to charge you 500kwacha’.
Ahh well I think they purposely didn’t allow me to get into the back seat so that they could take 500kwacha because of ‘special VIP seat’ at the front. The rest pays 300kwacha. But yay I was lucky! At least I didn’t have to wait for 2 days! And 500kwacha for a lift up the hill is indeed cheap!
The road was soooo bad that people were throwing up throughout the drive. It was one sharp turn after another. No tarred road at all – all rocky, bumpy road. Any slight mistake could really cost your life!
Half way up the hill we had to stop the car because one of the passengers couldn’t stand it anymore. It was a relief for everybody to just come down from the stuffy condition even for just a few minutes. However it was lucky for us to stop because we spotted one of the tyres was already punctured. Phew.. that was a close call – imagine what could happen if we continued driving with a flat tyre..!
After the spare tyre was replaced we continued the second half of the torturous journey. But this time I volunteered to sit at the back because I think the girl (who threw up badly) should deserve the VIP seat at the front. I didn’t know how to just plunged myself into the crowd so I waited until everybody was in – and that actually wasn’t very wise because the later you get in the worse ‘seat’ (well there wasn’t seat but I mean ‘position’) you get. So I ended up having a very small space where I could barely squat. I had to half squat, half sit, half stand.. I don’t even know how to describe that – so in the end I found myself half rested on somebody’s feet and partly on my own shoes; and somebody’s knee was on my shoulder and somebody’s arm around my neck.. it got worse when the car moved I was thrown into different positions but found no grip to stabilise myself.. I was seated very close to the rear of the car – the back window wasn’t close so when the road got really bumpy I felt I could be thrown out of the car any minute..!
Anyhow I found this quite amusing – can you believe some people actually dozed off in such condition, while having another person throwing up beside them! Most were just chatting and looked amazingly calm and easy.. well you know after three months here I somehow learned to stay cool no matter how bad the situation is. So I still managed to snap some pictures, very bad ones of course, despite having to constantly balance myself from flying out of the vehicle! Talking about the spirit of paparazzi! Yay!
And I am now very lucky to be alive to tell the story. He he.
Can't believe I'm leaving.. 03/08/10
Everyday I am trying to do more, see more, feel more.. I am trying to grasp the last bit of Malawi before I fly back to the UK next Thursday.
Gosh. I really don’t want to leave.
Today I visited a missionary hospital and a college of nursing attached to it. By the end of it I found myself not looking at my interview agenda but at the working environment around.. haha.. I’m subconsciously checking out possible working opportunities here..
I am really happy here, though I don’t enjoy many things including the basic ‘necessities’..
I am very motivated to work here everyday. Never felt so motivated to work before in my life. Everyday I wake up to the sunlight with a purpose in my life – you know what I mean, it’s not about ‘going to work’, but it’s about ‘doing another bit’ that draws me closer to a mission.
In fact I can’t really explain why I am so happy here, though I stay detached to most people here. I don’t have my family here. I don’t have my culture here. I don’t have my favourite TV channels here. But somehow I feel very, very contended here.
I am just happy to see people walking around, with smiles on their faces – with warm greetings (even shouting ‘China! China!’ or ‘Japan! Japan!’ is ok with me now!) and warm handshakes..
I am just happy to walk very long way to find just one person (i.e the interviewee). Because along the way I can talk and interact with many. And I never can expect what happens in the next minute, which could be extremely ridiculous or completely incomprehensive – which makes me laugh or cry or whatever..
I don’t have frequent access to internet or news here. At first I feel I must be so depressed because I would be so disconnected from the outside world. But now I don’t know – is that really necessary for me to read all the depressing news around the world? Is that really important for me to check emails everyday? What does computer and internet bring us? More information, yes – but more joy in life?
These people, these ‘backward’ people in one of the ‘poorest’ nations in the world – they are so rich, so rich at heart. They have something that we already lost. They look so ‘pathetic’ in our eyes, but you know, perhaps we too look so pathetic in their eyes. Whilst the whole world is busy reporting on how high HIV prevalence is in Malawi, we forget to report how high the prevalence of depression, work stress, life pressure.. etc etc in our world.
Frankly I don’t feel stressed at all. First time in my life where I am completely free of stress for as long as three months. Well in the past I could go for holiday and forgot about work for a few days. But now I am working and I am still stress free, completely – I really can’t explain why.
Many here have asked me if I will come back to Malawi. In the first month I said no; the second month I said hmm maybe; and now, I say YES.
Gosh. I really don’t want to leave.
Today I visited a missionary hospital and a college of nursing attached to it. By the end of it I found myself not looking at my interview agenda but at the working environment around.. haha.. I’m subconsciously checking out possible working opportunities here..
I am really happy here, though I don’t enjoy many things including the basic ‘necessities’..
I am very motivated to work here everyday. Never felt so motivated to work before in my life. Everyday I wake up to the sunlight with a purpose in my life – you know what I mean, it’s not about ‘going to work’, but it’s about ‘doing another bit’ that draws me closer to a mission.
In fact I can’t really explain why I am so happy here, though I stay detached to most people here. I don’t have my family here. I don’t have my culture here. I don’t have my favourite TV channels here. But somehow I feel very, very contended here.
I am just happy to see people walking around, with smiles on their faces – with warm greetings (even shouting ‘China! China!’ or ‘Japan! Japan!’ is ok with me now!) and warm handshakes..
I am just happy to walk very long way to find just one person (i.e the interviewee). Because along the way I can talk and interact with many. And I never can expect what happens in the next minute, which could be extremely ridiculous or completely incomprehensive – which makes me laugh or cry or whatever..
I don’t have frequent access to internet or news here. At first I feel I must be so depressed because I would be so disconnected from the outside world. But now I don’t know – is that really necessary for me to read all the depressing news around the world? Is that really important for me to check emails everyday? What does computer and internet bring us? More information, yes – but more joy in life?
These people, these ‘backward’ people in one of the ‘poorest’ nations in the world – they are so rich, so rich at heart. They have something that we already lost. They look so ‘pathetic’ in our eyes, but you know, perhaps we too look so pathetic in their eyes. Whilst the whole world is busy reporting on how high HIV prevalence is in Malawi, we forget to report how high the prevalence of depression, work stress, life pressure.. etc etc in our world.
Frankly I don’t feel stressed at all. First time in my life where I am completely free of stress for as long as three months. Well in the past I could go for holiday and forgot about work for a few days. But now I am working and I am still stress free, completely – I really can’t explain why.
Many here have asked me if I will come back to Malawi. In the first month I said no; the second month I said hmm maybe; and now, I say YES.
Counter cultural shock..? 31/07/10
I’ve just arrived Mzuzu. I’ve found a place to stay via one Taiwanese friend whom I met in Lilongwe. On arrival to the house, I was introduced to another five Taiwanese. So there are seven Chinese (Chinese by ethic group I mean), including me, staying under one roof.
Suddenly I can speak the language I need less effort to find the right words. But strange enough, I found myself lost.
I found myself sitting on a table with the other four – two playing PSP; and another two looking at the screens of their laptops. I was trying to initiate some conversations but I’ve only got intermittent replies when they caught a second in between their virtual worlds to answer me.
I felt I was dragged from Africa back to the reality, which I am going back to again in less than two weeks.
At this moment, I know I am going to miss Malawi, terribly, when I leave.
I am going to miss you FM and IM – and your baby who is coming to this world soon. I’m so glad I found you, which I never would if I ever got a chance to check my emails (which allowed me access to ‘better’ choice of accommodation, instead of your house which is an inconvenient location) before I got to Lilongwe. You were the only one who texted me instead of emailed and that brought me to you. You had given me such wonderful friendship. We spent so little time together but I felt I had been looking for friends like you for a long time. Thank you for taking me like a sister, you are my brother and sister too.
And I definitely am going to miss you TM. You are so inspirational yet so humble. I can’t say more good things about you. As I said, you ever have any fan club, I would be the first one to sign up. I’m so blessed to have met you. You know when we talked about your vision I almost cried. Even now when I thought about our conversation tears come into my eyes. Strange indeed, we actually had talked only twice, but both times were real talks. The second time you know it was so powerful for me as if I had been waiting to hear these for a long time. I too thank you for your friendship you crossed my path for such a short time but left such a great impact.
PM, saying I am going to miss you doesn’t measure up to what I actually feel. Meeting you is indeed the highlight of my trip. I wish I could have met you earlier. Your music has accompanied me for three months. I had loved it even before I learned about what the songs meant. I loved it even more after I learned how you put your heart and soul into bringing change to the society via your music. It’s not just music, you’re delivering civic education. This is exactly what is lacking here in Malawi – very less people cares but you do. I really admire you for your hard work, courage, passion and vision. Am I going to see you again? I doubt so. But I will continue to pray for your success.
In less than two weeks, I am going back to the world where no stranger will come forward with a grin to say ‘hi how are you?’; nobody will come shake hand with me the Malawian way; nobody will throw me that kind of innocent smile which really melts my heart; nobody will sit around the table and chat with me for hours.. nobody will........ the list goes on......
I didn’t expect I would ever get so emotionally attached prior to this field trip. My initial intention was just to quickly collect some data then leave as soon as possible. Now leaving seems to be so difficult. Many have asked me if I will come back – yes, the answer is yes; I don’t know when but yes.
I think I have fallen in love with Malawi. I am in love. Haha. I am. Indeed.
Suddenly I can speak the language I need less effort to find the right words. But strange enough, I found myself lost.
I found myself sitting on a table with the other four – two playing PSP; and another two looking at the screens of their laptops. I was trying to initiate some conversations but I’ve only got intermittent replies when they caught a second in between their virtual worlds to answer me.
I felt I was dragged from Africa back to the reality, which I am going back to again in less than two weeks.
At this moment, I know I am going to miss Malawi, terribly, when I leave.
I am going to miss you FM and IM – and your baby who is coming to this world soon. I’m so glad I found you, which I never would if I ever got a chance to check my emails (which allowed me access to ‘better’ choice of accommodation, instead of your house which is an inconvenient location) before I got to Lilongwe. You were the only one who texted me instead of emailed and that brought me to you. You had given me such wonderful friendship. We spent so little time together but I felt I had been looking for friends like you for a long time. Thank you for taking me like a sister, you are my brother and sister too.
And I definitely am going to miss you TM. You are so inspirational yet so humble. I can’t say more good things about you. As I said, you ever have any fan club, I would be the first one to sign up. I’m so blessed to have met you. You know when we talked about your vision I almost cried. Even now when I thought about our conversation tears come into my eyes. Strange indeed, we actually had talked only twice, but both times were real talks. The second time you know it was so powerful for me as if I had been waiting to hear these for a long time. I too thank you for your friendship you crossed my path for such a short time but left such a great impact.
PM, saying I am going to miss you doesn’t measure up to what I actually feel. Meeting you is indeed the highlight of my trip. I wish I could have met you earlier. Your music has accompanied me for three months. I had loved it even before I learned about what the songs meant. I loved it even more after I learned how you put your heart and soul into bringing change to the society via your music. It’s not just music, you’re delivering civic education. This is exactly what is lacking here in Malawi – very less people cares but you do. I really admire you for your hard work, courage, passion and vision. Am I going to see you again? I doubt so. But I will continue to pray for your success.
In less than two weeks, I am going back to the world where no stranger will come forward with a grin to say ‘hi how are you?’; nobody will come shake hand with me the Malawian way; nobody will throw me that kind of innocent smile which really melts my heart; nobody will sit around the table and chat with me for hours.. nobody will........ the list goes on......
I didn’t expect I would ever get so emotionally attached prior to this field trip. My initial intention was just to quickly collect some data then leave as soon as possible. Now leaving seems to be so difficult. Many have asked me if I will come back – yes, the answer is yes; I don’t know when but yes.
I think I have fallen in love with Malawi. I am in love. Haha. I am. Indeed.
Meeting PM - another highlight of my trip 29/07/10
I am not a person who chases after stars. But I really like PM’s music. The first time I saw him on stage my jaw dropped when he played. Perhaps I didn’t expect it to be so good, after getting fed up waiting for two hours – I was getting impatient and didn’t think anything good of the band. But all long wait was worth it when he played.
After that for two months I have been playing his CD, though not understand even a word of it.
I grew fonder of his music after a friend explained to me what the lyrics actually mean. I was so glad to learn somebody is doing something right here in Malawi. Somebody is doing something to try to improve things. Somebody is speaking for the under-privileged. Somebody is giving education through music.
Nearing to the end of my trip, I got his number by chance from one of his close friends. I texted him to ask if I could ever get an autograph (well of course autograph was just an excuse of course.. haha..) but received no reply perhaps he thought I was some kind of nuisance. Ah well doesn’t matter as long as he knows somebody likes his music even though not understanding a word of it so this should encourage him.
But lucky star shines on me after a few days he texted me back! Oh gosh I was so happy – and this time instead of an autograph, I asked for an interview.. (NOT to the information to my supervisors please...LOL!) – of course again interview was just a camouflage. I really wanted to know what motivates this person and how he could think differently amidst so many who don’t!
There was some hassle before we could meet as we both were extremely busy. We finally agreed to squeeze some time between work to meet up. I was so stupid not even to google him before meeting up. I actually didn’t know how he looked like! Well I had seen him performing but he was too far away for me to have a good look. What I knew was just his voice. But thank God he’s cute – with a boyish smile, which you can’t tell belongs to a star!
Well I am blind to looks most of the time – what matters most is what contains at heart. And gosh – he’s really BEAUTIFUL at heart! We spoke about his music, how he came to play and compose, how he was brought up, how he spoke against the politicians, how he worked through numerous nights to create songs for people (note: FOR people).. we saw his studio, his house, even his four pet dogs. I was really impressed. Really impressed. I had done more than 100 interviews. No interviewees aged below 40 could speak with such vision and passion. He’s so sure of what he wants to do; so passionate about people; so determined to become the teacher (via songs) to the fellow Malawians despite not selling his albums as good as others who sell love songs.. these were not just words. After talking to so many Malawians, I could really tell when people are just talking but don’t mean to do what they talk. This guy is amazing. He has such wisdom. I think those professors in the universities have to learn from him.
You must think I’m falling in love with this guy – oh yes, but not romantically as you thought. There wasn’t such chemical but I really admire him. If there’s anything I would say I gain so much from this trip, that’s meeting him and his music. It speaks right into my heart. I guess the timing was good – if I were to meet him the first month after I arrived, I wouldn’t have felt and shared so much.
And yeah, I love PM.
After that for two months I have been playing his CD, though not understand even a word of it.
I grew fonder of his music after a friend explained to me what the lyrics actually mean. I was so glad to learn somebody is doing something right here in Malawi. Somebody is doing something to try to improve things. Somebody is speaking for the under-privileged. Somebody is giving education through music.
Nearing to the end of my trip, I got his number by chance from one of his close friends. I texted him to ask if I could ever get an autograph (well of course autograph was just an excuse of course.. haha..) but received no reply perhaps he thought I was some kind of nuisance. Ah well doesn’t matter as long as he knows somebody likes his music even though not understanding a word of it so this should encourage him.
But lucky star shines on me after a few days he texted me back! Oh gosh I was so happy – and this time instead of an autograph, I asked for an interview.. (NOT to the information to my supervisors please...LOL!) – of course again interview was just a camouflage. I really wanted to know what motivates this person and how he could think differently amidst so many who don’t!
There was some hassle before we could meet as we both were extremely busy. We finally agreed to squeeze some time between work to meet up. I was so stupid not even to google him before meeting up. I actually didn’t know how he looked like! Well I had seen him performing but he was too far away for me to have a good look. What I knew was just his voice. But thank God he’s cute – with a boyish smile, which you can’t tell belongs to a star!
Well I am blind to looks most of the time – what matters most is what contains at heart. And gosh – he’s really BEAUTIFUL at heart! We spoke about his music, how he came to play and compose, how he was brought up, how he spoke against the politicians, how he worked through numerous nights to create songs for people (note: FOR people).. we saw his studio, his house, even his four pet dogs. I was really impressed. Really impressed. I had done more than 100 interviews. No interviewees aged below 40 could speak with such vision and passion. He’s so sure of what he wants to do; so passionate about people; so determined to become the teacher (via songs) to the fellow Malawians despite not selling his albums as good as others who sell love songs.. these were not just words. After talking to so many Malawians, I could really tell when people are just talking but don’t mean to do what they talk. This guy is amazing. He has such wisdom. I think those professors in the universities have to learn from him.
You must think I’m falling in love with this guy – oh yes, but not romantically as you thought. There wasn’t such chemical but I really admire him. If there’s anything I would say I gain so much from this trip, that’s meeting him and his music. It speaks right into my heart. I guess the timing was good – if I were to meet him the first month after I arrived, I wouldn’t have felt and shared so much.
And yeah, I love PM.
Zomba Plateau 25/07/10
Today I walked continuously for 9 hours. Yes, NINE hours.. by the end of the journey I think my right feet started to get muscle twitch.. you know we had got such a professional tour guide, so professional.. that I think he got so motivated to show us as much as possible despite receiving so little pay..! He only asked for 500kwacha (about £2) for NINE-hour walk imagine!!! We didn’t know we were dragging ourselves into such strenuous exercise at the start of the journey as 500kwacha should only pay for walk for an hour or so... but who knows this tour guide was so niceeee – that’s the thing I really like about Malawians – not all –but some, they’re so genuine, so naive, so free of bad will you know. They just work, and don’t know how to ask for pay that is worth for their work. And it makes me extremely angry when I see others who come in to exploit all these people with the purest hearts in the world. Of course by the end of the journey we paid much more than 500kwacha.
I went with two friends, who work at Zomba District Hospital, whom I got to know some time ago. They were good companies. Probably because we’re about the same age. And I also got a chance to listen to their life stories, which again involves a lot of hardship I once only read from books. Now it became so real to me. sometimes I think this trip has touched me so much, not because I am learning anything ‘new’, but because I am re-learning something I already knew.. you know sometimes you know something but you don’t ‘realise’? and that’s what happening to me now – I saw documentaries, read books about Africa before I came. I know how hard life could be; how cruel the reality could be – but when the facts hit my face, it sometimes paralyses me.. to me everything becomes too ‘real’ that I found it hard to swallow the reality..
Anyway, back to Zomba plateau.. oh she really is a beauty. BEAUTY.
If people admire Scotland and Switzerland so much, why not Malawi? Indeed Malawi has so many nice places, including Zomba, that don’t receive as much publicity as others who could afford the advertisements. You get a chance to stand on top of a cliff, overlooking the whole city; admiring the contour of the earth created by mountains, rivers – unspoilt by modern development; and standing on top of the cloud that you could actually see the shadow of the cloud.. breath-taking beauty!!!
And every night, I mean EVERY night – you don’t have to go away from the cities, you don’t have to drive very far to get to the outskirts or beaches, you just need to look up in the sky – you see beautiful stars... so beautiful....... as there isn’t light pollution, not even in the cities. People don’t waste electricity unnecessarily. There isn’t street light even at the posh-est residential areas. As most people stay home, with families, after dark. Then people retire to bed early so that tomorrow they can wake up early. No late night movies. No facebooking. No wild parties. Just simple life. Simple joy. You call that dullness? What good you get from all these fancy technologies? Does it make you happy, or a better person? I don’t know.
Well to me, I call that life.
I went with two friends, who work at Zomba District Hospital, whom I got to know some time ago. They were good companies. Probably because we’re about the same age. And I also got a chance to listen to their life stories, which again involves a lot of hardship I once only read from books. Now it became so real to me. sometimes I think this trip has touched me so much, not because I am learning anything ‘new’, but because I am re-learning something I already knew.. you know sometimes you know something but you don’t ‘realise’? and that’s what happening to me now – I saw documentaries, read books about Africa before I came. I know how hard life could be; how cruel the reality could be – but when the facts hit my face, it sometimes paralyses me.. to me everything becomes too ‘real’ that I found it hard to swallow the reality..
Anyway, back to Zomba plateau.. oh she really is a beauty. BEAUTY.
If people admire Scotland and Switzerland so much, why not Malawi? Indeed Malawi has so many nice places, including Zomba, that don’t receive as much publicity as others who could afford the advertisements. You get a chance to stand on top of a cliff, overlooking the whole city; admiring the contour of the earth created by mountains, rivers – unspoilt by modern development; and standing on top of the cloud that you could actually see the shadow of the cloud.. breath-taking beauty!!!
And every night, I mean EVERY night – you don’t have to go away from the cities, you don’t have to drive very far to get to the outskirts or beaches, you just need to look up in the sky – you see beautiful stars... so beautiful....... as there isn’t light pollution, not even in the cities. People don’t waste electricity unnecessarily. There isn’t street light even at the posh-est residential areas. As most people stay home, with families, after dark. Then people retire to bed early so that tomorrow they can wake up early. No late night movies. No facebooking. No wild parties. Just simple life. Simple joy. You call that dullness? What good you get from all these fancy technologies? Does it make you happy, or a better person? I don’t know.
Well to me, I call that life.
Lonely nights at Zomba.. 23/07/10
This is the second night I shut myself up in the hostel room after work. There’s nowhere I can go after it gets dark. And there’s nothing in the room. Sometimes not even electricity. No hot water definitely because it’s just a budget hostel in fact I am really glad to get a toilet that flushes properly. The only thing that is broken is the door knob so I am really lucky this time. Well I have to take shower immediately once I get home in order to retain as much (body) heat as possible. If I sit down I will start feeling cold then it’s even more difficulty to take a cold shower. There’s one thing that motivates me to get into the cold shower – the thought of ‘if other people can do this every single day in their lives, why can’t I do this just for today?’. Trust me you really need to chant this through the shower and keep telling yourself this isn’t cold this isn’t cold..
In fact tonight I really want to go see a concert. But I had no transport to get there. And cabs are too expensive. So I can’t go. The guy who was supposed to go with me also has no car. So we both poor people can’t go anywhere just because it’s night and it’s not safe to move around at night. How I miss the excellent transport in the UK which allows me to move around freely.. ahh the concert is starting in 15 minutes and here I sit idly in my room writing reflection notes of today’s interviews..
Now probably you understand a little why I sometimes jump on some invitations even though I know this isn’t right. There was this doctor who is really cute and I saw him a few times. Well apart from the fact that he’s cute, I was curious and I thought probably he could tell me the truth as we are about the same age. So the last time we saw I asked him directly why he asked me out whilst he was already married. I don’t know how to describe the shock in his face haha.. apparently no girls had asked him this peculiar question. I just want to know. All the explanations I could think of were merely ‘secondary data’ which I extrapolate from my observation and from other people’s explanation. But I want to hear from the first person who actually does this. He paused for a full minute. Probably trying to find a reason, or to find some words. Then he said ‘when I travelled to the US.. I was alone. In the weekends or after work everybody went home. And you know.. I stay alone.. I had to figure out how.. and where.. just to go get some food or something.. then after the weekend people will ask me ‘how was your weekend?’.. but they.. never call.. or ask you if you need help.. then they ask you how your weekend was.. how are you.. then you say ahh good.. what is this..? haha.. you know.. sometimes.. when we travel.. we are very lonely..’
At that moment I was the one who froze. How true. How TRUE.. yes so many have asked how I am doing whilst they don’t really care how actually I am doing. I went through weekends facing my laptop then I had to pretend I had a very good one.. To me saying how are you is just another way of saying hi. And I start doing the same too as I also do not actually care how other people are doing. And it’s so true that I am so lonely, so horribly lonely. Although my heart and soul is full with passion for the research data I’ve got. But you know I really lack somebody to share this with. Or to explore things together. Or you know.. just anything. At that moment I didn’t want to differentiate whether he was making up an excuse or telling the truth. I just wanted to believe the latter was true.
Anyway he stopped calling after my confrontation. I guess I satisfied my curiosity but I lost a friend. Well whether he told me the truth or not I don’t at all attempt to analyse. Because having somebody to understand you, though for just one minute, is just so precious. It’s funny to think about how serious I am when facing my research data – trying very hard to be rationale. And how irrational I could be at this very moment.. I’m trying to justify for somebody who tries to fool me..
In fact tonight I really want to go see a concert. But I had no transport to get there. And cabs are too expensive. So I can’t go. The guy who was supposed to go with me also has no car. So we both poor people can’t go anywhere just because it’s night and it’s not safe to move around at night. How I miss the excellent transport in the UK which allows me to move around freely.. ahh the concert is starting in 15 minutes and here I sit idly in my room writing reflection notes of today’s interviews..
Now probably you understand a little why I sometimes jump on some invitations even though I know this isn’t right. There was this doctor who is really cute and I saw him a few times. Well apart from the fact that he’s cute, I was curious and I thought probably he could tell me the truth as we are about the same age. So the last time we saw I asked him directly why he asked me out whilst he was already married. I don’t know how to describe the shock in his face haha.. apparently no girls had asked him this peculiar question. I just want to know. All the explanations I could think of were merely ‘secondary data’ which I extrapolate from my observation and from other people’s explanation. But I want to hear from the first person who actually does this. He paused for a full minute. Probably trying to find a reason, or to find some words. Then he said ‘when I travelled to the US.. I was alone. In the weekends or after work everybody went home. And you know.. I stay alone.. I had to figure out how.. and where.. just to go get some food or something.. then after the weekend people will ask me ‘how was your weekend?’.. but they.. never call.. or ask you if you need help.. then they ask you how your weekend was.. how are you.. then you say ahh good.. what is this..? haha.. you know.. sometimes.. when we travel.. we are very lonely..’
At that moment I was the one who froze. How true. How TRUE.. yes so many have asked how I am doing whilst they don’t really care how actually I am doing. I went through weekends facing my laptop then I had to pretend I had a very good one.. To me saying how are you is just another way of saying hi. And I start doing the same too as I also do not actually care how other people are doing. And it’s so true that I am so lonely, so horribly lonely. Although my heart and soul is full with passion for the research data I’ve got. But you know I really lack somebody to share this with. Or to explore things together. Or you know.. just anything. At that moment I didn’t want to differentiate whether he was making up an excuse or telling the truth. I just wanted to believe the latter was true.
Anyway he stopped calling after my confrontation. I guess I satisfied my curiosity but I lost a friend. Well whether he told me the truth or not I don’t at all attempt to analyse. Because having somebody to understand you, though for just one minute, is just so precious. It’s funny to think about how serious I am when facing my research data – trying very hard to be rationale. And how irrational I could be at this very moment.. I’m trying to justify for somebody who tries to fool me..
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