Can't believe I'm leaving.. 03/08/10

Everyday I am trying to do more, see more, feel more.. I am trying to grasp the last bit of Malawi before I fly back to the UK next Thursday.

Gosh. I really don’t want to leave.

Today I visited a missionary hospital and a college of nursing attached to it. By the end of it I found myself not looking at my interview agenda but at the working environment around.. haha.. I’m subconsciously checking out possible working opportunities here..

I am really happy here, though I don’t enjoy many things including the basic ‘necessities’..

I am very motivated to work here everyday. Never felt so motivated to work before in my life. Everyday I wake up to the sunlight with a purpose in my life – you know what I mean, it’s not about ‘going to work’, but it’s about ‘doing another bit’ that draws me closer to a mission.

In fact I can’t really explain why I am so happy here, though I stay detached to most people here. I don’t have my family here. I don’t have my culture here. I don’t have my favourite TV channels here. But somehow I feel very, very contended here.

I am just happy to see people walking around, with smiles on their faces – with warm greetings (even shouting ‘China! China!’ or ‘Japan! Japan!’ is ok with me now!) and warm handshakes..

I am just happy to walk very long way to find just one person (i.e the interviewee). Because along the way I can talk and interact with many. And I never can expect what happens in the next minute, which could be extremely ridiculous or completely incomprehensive – which makes me laugh or cry or whatever..

I don’t have frequent access to internet or news here. At first I feel I must be so depressed because I would be so disconnected from the outside world. But now I don’t know – is that really necessary for me to read all the depressing news around the world? Is that really important for me to check emails everyday? What does computer and internet bring us? More information, yes – but more joy in life?

These people, these ‘backward’ people in one of the ‘poorest’ nations in the world – they are so rich, so rich at heart. They have something that we already lost. They look so ‘pathetic’ in our eyes, but you know, perhaps we too look so pathetic in their eyes. Whilst the whole world is busy reporting on how high HIV prevalence is in Malawi, we forget to report how high the prevalence of depression, work stress, life pressure.. etc etc in our world.

Frankly I don’t feel stressed at all. First time in my life where I am completely free of stress for as long as three months. Well in the past I could go for holiday and forgot about work for a few days. But now I am working and I am still stress free, completely – I really can’t explain why.

Many here have asked me if I will come back to Malawi. In the first month I said no; the second month I said hmm maybe; and now, I say YES.