Everyday I am trying to do more, see more, feel more.. I am trying to grasp the last bit of Malawi before I fly back to the UK next Thursday.
Gosh. I really don’t want to leave.
Today I visited a missionary hospital and a college of nursing attached to it. By the end of it I found myself not looking at my interview agenda but at the working environment around.. haha.. I’m subconsciously checking out possible working opportunities here..
I am really happy here, though I don’t enjoy many things including the basic ‘necessities’..
I am very motivated to work here everyday. Never felt so motivated to work before in my life. Everyday I wake up to the sunlight with a purpose in my life – you know what I mean, it’s not about ‘going to work’, but it’s about ‘doing another bit’ that draws me closer to a mission.
In fact I can’t really explain why I am so happy here, though I stay detached to most people here. I don’t have my family here. I don’t have my culture here. I don’t have my favourite TV channels here. But somehow I feel very, very contended here.
I am just happy to see people walking around, with smiles on their faces – with warm greetings (even shouting ‘China! China!’ or ‘Japan! Japan!’ is ok with me now!) and warm handshakes..
I am just happy to walk very long way to find just one person (i.e the interviewee). Because along the way I can talk and interact with many. And I never can expect what happens in the next minute, which could be extremely ridiculous or completely incomprehensive – which makes me laugh or cry or whatever..
I don’t have frequent access to internet or news here. At first I feel I must be so depressed because I would be so disconnected from the outside world. But now I don’t know – is that really necessary for me to read all the depressing news around the world? Is that really important for me to check emails everyday? What does computer and internet bring us? More information, yes – but more joy in life?
These people, these ‘backward’ people in one of the ‘poorest’ nations in the world – they are so rich, so rich at heart. They have something that we already lost. They look so ‘pathetic’ in our eyes, but you know, perhaps we too look so pathetic in their eyes. Whilst the whole world is busy reporting on how high HIV prevalence is in Malawi, we forget to report how high the prevalence of depression, work stress, life pressure.. etc etc in our world.
Frankly I don’t feel stressed at all. First time in my life where I am completely free of stress for as long as three months. Well in the past I could go for holiday and forgot about work for a few days. But now I am working and I am still stress free, completely – I really can’t explain why.
Many here have asked me if I will come back to Malawi. In the first month I said no; the second month I said hmm maybe; and now, I say YES.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Counter cultural shock..? 31/07/10
I’ve just arrived Mzuzu. I’ve found a place to stay via one Taiwanese friend whom I met in Lilongwe. On arrival to the house, I was introduced to another five Taiwanese. So there are seven Chinese (Chinese by ethic group I mean), including me, staying under one roof.
Suddenly I can speak the language I need less effort to find the right words. But strange enough, I found myself lost.
I found myself sitting on a table with the other four – two playing PSP; and another two looking at the screens of their laptops. I was trying to initiate some conversations but I’ve only got intermittent replies when they caught a second in between their virtual worlds to answer me.
I felt I was dragged from Africa back to the reality, which I am going back to again in less than two weeks.
At this moment, I know I am going to miss Malawi, terribly, when I leave.
I am going to miss you FM and IM – and your baby who is coming to this world soon. I’m so glad I found you, which I never would if I ever got a chance to check my emails (which allowed me access to ‘better’ choice of accommodation, instead of your house which is an inconvenient location) before I got to Lilongwe. You were the only one who texted me instead of emailed and that brought me to you. You had given me such wonderful friendship. We spent so little time together but I felt I had been looking for friends like you for a long time. Thank you for taking me like a sister, you are my brother and sister too.
And I definitely am going to miss you TM. You are so inspirational yet so humble. I can’t say more good things about you. As I said, you ever have any fan club, I would be the first one to sign up. I’m so blessed to have met you. You know when we talked about your vision I almost cried. Even now when I thought about our conversation tears come into my eyes. Strange indeed, we actually had talked only twice, but both times were real talks. The second time you know it was so powerful for me as if I had been waiting to hear these for a long time. I too thank you for your friendship you crossed my path for such a short time but left such a great impact.
PM, saying I am going to miss you doesn’t measure up to what I actually feel. Meeting you is indeed the highlight of my trip. I wish I could have met you earlier. Your music has accompanied me for three months. I had loved it even before I learned about what the songs meant. I loved it even more after I learned how you put your heart and soul into bringing change to the society via your music. It’s not just music, you’re delivering civic education. This is exactly what is lacking here in Malawi – very less people cares but you do. I really admire you for your hard work, courage, passion and vision. Am I going to see you again? I doubt so. But I will continue to pray for your success.
In less than two weeks, I am going back to the world where no stranger will come forward with a grin to say ‘hi how are you?’; nobody will come shake hand with me the Malawian way; nobody will throw me that kind of innocent smile which really melts my heart; nobody will sit around the table and chat with me for hours.. nobody will........ the list goes on......
I didn’t expect I would ever get so emotionally attached prior to this field trip. My initial intention was just to quickly collect some data then leave as soon as possible. Now leaving seems to be so difficult. Many have asked me if I will come back – yes, the answer is yes; I don’t know when but yes.
I think I have fallen in love with Malawi. I am in love. Haha. I am. Indeed.
Suddenly I can speak the language I need less effort to find the right words. But strange enough, I found myself lost.
I found myself sitting on a table with the other four – two playing PSP; and another two looking at the screens of their laptops. I was trying to initiate some conversations but I’ve only got intermittent replies when they caught a second in between their virtual worlds to answer me.
I felt I was dragged from Africa back to the reality, which I am going back to again in less than two weeks.
At this moment, I know I am going to miss Malawi, terribly, when I leave.
I am going to miss you FM and IM – and your baby who is coming to this world soon. I’m so glad I found you, which I never would if I ever got a chance to check my emails (which allowed me access to ‘better’ choice of accommodation, instead of your house which is an inconvenient location) before I got to Lilongwe. You were the only one who texted me instead of emailed and that brought me to you. You had given me such wonderful friendship. We spent so little time together but I felt I had been looking for friends like you for a long time. Thank you for taking me like a sister, you are my brother and sister too.
And I definitely am going to miss you TM. You are so inspirational yet so humble. I can’t say more good things about you. As I said, you ever have any fan club, I would be the first one to sign up. I’m so blessed to have met you. You know when we talked about your vision I almost cried. Even now when I thought about our conversation tears come into my eyes. Strange indeed, we actually had talked only twice, but both times were real talks. The second time you know it was so powerful for me as if I had been waiting to hear these for a long time. I too thank you for your friendship you crossed my path for such a short time but left such a great impact.
PM, saying I am going to miss you doesn’t measure up to what I actually feel. Meeting you is indeed the highlight of my trip. I wish I could have met you earlier. Your music has accompanied me for three months. I had loved it even before I learned about what the songs meant. I loved it even more after I learned how you put your heart and soul into bringing change to the society via your music. It’s not just music, you’re delivering civic education. This is exactly what is lacking here in Malawi – very less people cares but you do. I really admire you for your hard work, courage, passion and vision. Am I going to see you again? I doubt so. But I will continue to pray for your success.
In less than two weeks, I am going back to the world where no stranger will come forward with a grin to say ‘hi how are you?’; nobody will come shake hand with me the Malawian way; nobody will throw me that kind of innocent smile which really melts my heart; nobody will sit around the table and chat with me for hours.. nobody will........ the list goes on......
I didn’t expect I would ever get so emotionally attached prior to this field trip. My initial intention was just to quickly collect some data then leave as soon as possible. Now leaving seems to be so difficult. Many have asked me if I will come back – yes, the answer is yes; I don’t know when but yes.
I think I have fallen in love with Malawi. I am in love. Haha. I am. Indeed.
Meeting PM - another highlight of my trip 29/07/10
I am not a person who chases after stars. But I really like PM’s music. The first time I saw him on stage my jaw dropped when he played. Perhaps I didn’t expect it to be so good, after getting fed up waiting for two hours – I was getting impatient and didn’t think anything good of the band. But all long wait was worth it when he played.
After that for two months I have been playing his CD, though not understand even a word of it.
I grew fonder of his music after a friend explained to me what the lyrics actually mean. I was so glad to learn somebody is doing something right here in Malawi. Somebody is doing something to try to improve things. Somebody is speaking for the under-privileged. Somebody is giving education through music.
Nearing to the end of my trip, I got his number by chance from one of his close friends. I texted him to ask if I could ever get an autograph (well of course autograph was just an excuse of course.. haha..) but received no reply perhaps he thought I was some kind of nuisance. Ah well doesn’t matter as long as he knows somebody likes his music even though not understanding a word of it so this should encourage him.
But lucky star shines on me after a few days he texted me back! Oh gosh I was so happy – and this time instead of an autograph, I asked for an interview.. (NOT to the information to my supervisors please...LOL!) – of course again interview was just a camouflage. I really wanted to know what motivates this person and how he could think differently amidst so many who don’t!
There was some hassle before we could meet as we both were extremely busy. We finally agreed to squeeze some time between work to meet up. I was so stupid not even to google him before meeting up. I actually didn’t know how he looked like! Well I had seen him performing but he was too far away for me to have a good look. What I knew was just his voice. But thank God he’s cute – with a boyish smile, which you can’t tell belongs to a star!
Well I am blind to looks most of the time – what matters most is what contains at heart. And gosh – he’s really BEAUTIFUL at heart! We spoke about his music, how he came to play and compose, how he was brought up, how he spoke against the politicians, how he worked through numerous nights to create songs for people (note: FOR people).. we saw his studio, his house, even his four pet dogs. I was really impressed. Really impressed. I had done more than 100 interviews. No interviewees aged below 40 could speak with such vision and passion. He’s so sure of what he wants to do; so passionate about people; so determined to become the teacher (via songs) to the fellow Malawians despite not selling his albums as good as others who sell love songs.. these were not just words. After talking to so many Malawians, I could really tell when people are just talking but don’t mean to do what they talk. This guy is amazing. He has such wisdom. I think those professors in the universities have to learn from him.
You must think I’m falling in love with this guy – oh yes, but not romantically as you thought. There wasn’t such chemical but I really admire him. If there’s anything I would say I gain so much from this trip, that’s meeting him and his music. It speaks right into my heart. I guess the timing was good – if I were to meet him the first month after I arrived, I wouldn’t have felt and shared so much.
And yeah, I love PM.
After that for two months I have been playing his CD, though not understand even a word of it.
I grew fonder of his music after a friend explained to me what the lyrics actually mean. I was so glad to learn somebody is doing something right here in Malawi. Somebody is doing something to try to improve things. Somebody is speaking for the under-privileged. Somebody is giving education through music.
Nearing to the end of my trip, I got his number by chance from one of his close friends. I texted him to ask if I could ever get an autograph (well of course autograph was just an excuse of course.. haha..) but received no reply perhaps he thought I was some kind of nuisance. Ah well doesn’t matter as long as he knows somebody likes his music even though not understanding a word of it so this should encourage him.
But lucky star shines on me after a few days he texted me back! Oh gosh I was so happy – and this time instead of an autograph, I asked for an interview.. (NOT to the information to my supervisors please...LOL!) – of course again interview was just a camouflage. I really wanted to know what motivates this person and how he could think differently amidst so many who don’t!
There was some hassle before we could meet as we both were extremely busy. We finally agreed to squeeze some time between work to meet up. I was so stupid not even to google him before meeting up. I actually didn’t know how he looked like! Well I had seen him performing but he was too far away for me to have a good look. What I knew was just his voice. But thank God he’s cute – with a boyish smile, which you can’t tell belongs to a star!
Well I am blind to looks most of the time – what matters most is what contains at heart. And gosh – he’s really BEAUTIFUL at heart! We spoke about his music, how he came to play and compose, how he was brought up, how he spoke against the politicians, how he worked through numerous nights to create songs for people (note: FOR people).. we saw his studio, his house, even his four pet dogs. I was really impressed. Really impressed. I had done more than 100 interviews. No interviewees aged below 40 could speak with such vision and passion. He’s so sure of what he wants to do; so passionate about people; so determined to become the teacher (via songs) to the fellow Malawians despite not selling his albums as good as others who sell love songs.. these were not just words. After talking to so many Malawians, I could really tell when people are just talking but don’t mean to do what they talk. This guy is amazing. He has such wisdom. I think those professors in the universities have to learn from him.
You must think I’m falling in love with this guy – oh yes, but not romantically as you thought. There wasn’t such chemical but I really admire him. If there’s anything I would say I gain so much from this trip, that’s meeting him and his music. It speaks right into my heart. I guess the timing was good – if I were to meet him the first month after I arrived, I wouldn’t have felt and shared so much.
And yeah, I love PM.
Zomba Plateau 25/07/10
Today I walked continuously for 9 hours. Yes, NINE hours.. by the end of the journey I think my right feet started to get muscle twitch.. you know we had got such a professional tour guide, so professional.. that I think he got so motivated to show us as much as possible despite receiving so little pay..! He only asked for 500kwacha (about £2) for NINE-hour walk imagine!!! We didn’t know we were dragging ourselves into such strenuous exercise at the start of the journey as 500kwacha should only pay for walk for an hour or so... but who knows this tour guide was so niceeee – that’s the thing I really like about Malawians – not all –but some, they’re so genuine, so naive, so free of bad will you know. They just work, and don’t know how to ask for pay that is worth for their work. And it makes me extremely angry when I see others who come in to exploit all these people with the purest hearts in the world. Of course by the end of the journey we paid much more than 500kwacha.
I went with two friends, who work at Zomba District Hospital, whom I got to know some time ago. They were good companies. Probably because we’re about the same age. And I also got a chance to listen to their life stories, which again involves a lot of hardship I once only read from books. Now it became so real to me. sometimes I think this trip has touched me so much, not because I am learning anything ‘new’, but because I am re-learning something I already knew.. you know sometimes you know something but you don’t ‘realise’? and that’s what happening to me now – I saw documentaries, read books about Africa before I came. I know how hard life could be; how cruel the reality could be – but when the facts hit my face, it sometimes paralyses me.. to me everything becomes too ‘real’ that I found it hard to swallow the reality..
Anyway, back to Zomba plateau.. oh she really is a beauty. BEAUTY.
If people admire Scotland and Switzerland so much, why not Malawi? Indeed Malawi has so many nice places, including Zomba, that don’t receive as much publicity as others who could afford the advertisements. You get a chance to stand on top of a cliff, overlooking the whole city; admiring the contour of the earth created by mountains, rivers – unspoilt by modern development; and standing on top of the cloud that you could actually see the shadow of the cloud.. breath-taking beauty!!!
And every night, I mean EVERY night – you don’t have to go away from the cities, you don’t have to drive very far to get to the outskirts or beaches, you just need to look up in the sky – you see beautiful stars... so beautiful....... as there isn’t light pollution, not even in the cities. People don’t waste electricity unnecessarily. There isn’t street light even at the posh-est residential areas. As most people stay home, with families, after dark. Then people retire to bed early so that tomorrow they can wake up early. No late night movies. No facebooking. No wild parties. Just simple life. Simple joy. You call that dullness? What good you get from all these fancy technologies? Does it make you happy, or a better person? I don’t know.
Well to me, I call that life.
I went with two friends, who work at Zomba District Hospital, whom I got to know some time ago. They were good companies. Probably because we’re about the same age. And I also got a chance to listen to their life stories, which again involves a lot of hardship I once only read from books. Now it became so real to me. sometimes I think this trip has touched me so much, not because I am learning anything ‘new’, but because I am re-learning something I already knew.. you know sometimes you know something but you don’t ‘realise’? and that’s what happening to me now – I saw documentaries, read books about Africa before I came. I know how hard life could be; how cruel the reality could be – but when the facts hit my face, it sometimes paralyses me.. to me everything becomes too ‘real’ that I found it hard to swallow the reality..
Anyway, back to Zomba plateau.. oh she really is a beauty. BEAUTY.
If people admire Scotland and Switzerland so much, why not Malawi? Indeed Malawi has so many nice places, including Zomba, that don’t receive as much publicity as others who could afford the advertisements. You get a chance to stand on top of a cliff, overlooking the whole city; admiring the contour of the earth created by mountains, rivers – unspoilt by modern development; and standing on top of the cloud that you could actually see the shadow of the cloud.. breath-taking beauty!!!
And every night, I mean EVERY night – you don’t have to go away from the cities, you don’t have to drive very far to get to the outskirts or beaches, you just need to look up in the sky – you see beautiful stars... so beautiful....... as there isn’t light pollution, not even in the cities. People don’t waste electricity unnecessarily. There isn’t street light even at the posh-est residential areas. As most people stay home, with families, after dark. Then people retire to bed early so that tomorrow they can wake up early. No late night movies. No facebooking. No wild parties. Just simple life. Simple joy. You call that dullness? What good you get from all these fancy technologies? Does it make you happy, or a better person? I don’t know.
Well to me, I call that life.
Lonely nights at Zomba.. 23/07/10
This is the second night I shut myself up in the hostel room after work. There’s nowhere I can go after it gets dark. And there’s nothing in the room. Sometimes not even electricity. No hot water definitely because it’s just a budget hostel in fact I am really glad to get a toilet that flushes properly. The only thing that is broken is the door knob so I am really lucky this time. Well I have to take shower immediately once I get home in order to retain as much (body) heat as possible. If I sit down I will start feeling cold then it’s even more difficulty to take a cold shower. There’s one thing that motivates me to get into the cold shower – the thought of ‘if other people can do this every single day in their lives, why can’t I do this just for today?’. Trust me you really need to chant this through the shower and keep telling yourself this isn’t cold this isn’t cold..
In fact tonight I really want to go see a concert. But I had no transport to get there. And cabs are too expensive. So I can’t go. The guy who was supposed to go with me also has no car. So we both poor people can’t go anywhere just because it’s night and it’s not safe to move around at night. How I miss the excellent transport in the UK which allows me to move around freely.. ahh the concert is starting in 15 minutes and here I sit idly in my room writing reflection notes of today’s interviews..
Now probably you understand a little why I sometimes jump on some invitations even though I know this isn’t right. There was this doctor who is really cute and I saw him a few times. Well apart from the fact that he’s cute, I was curious and I thought probably he could tell me the truth as we are about the same age. So the last time we saw I asked him directly why he asked me out whilst he was already married. I don’t know how to describe the shock in his face haha.. apparently no girls had asked him this peculiar question. I just want to know. All the explanations I could think of were merely ‘secondary data’ which I extrapolate from my observation and from other people’s explanation. But I want to hear from the first person who actually does this. He paused for a full minute. Probably trying to find a reason, or to find some words. Then he said ‘when I travelled to the US.. I was alone. In the weekends or after work everybody went home. And you know.. I stay alone.. I had to figure out how.. and where.. just to go get some food or something.. then after the weekend people will ask me ‘how was your weekend?’.. but they.. never call.. or ask you if you need help.. then they ask you how your weekend was.. how are you.. then you say ahh good.. what is this..? haha.. you know.. sometimes.. when we travel.. we are very lonely..’
At that moment I was the one who froze. How true. How TRUE.. yes so many have asked how I am doing whilst they don’t really care how actually I am doing. I went through weekends facing my laptop then I had to pretend I had a very good one.. To me saying how are you is just another way of saying hi. And I start doing the same too as I also do not actually care how other people are doing. And it’s so true that I am so lonely, so horribly lonely. Although my heart and soul is full with passion for the research data I’ve got. But you know I really lack somebody to share this with. Or to explore things together. Or you know.. just anything. At that moment I didn’t want to differentiate whether he was making up an excuse or telling the truth. I just wanted to believe the latter was true.
Anyway he stopped calling after my confrontation. I guess I satisfied my curiosity but I lost a friend. Well whether he told me the truth or not I don’t at all attempt to analyse. Because having somebody to understand you, though for just one minute, is just so precious. It’s funny to think about how serious I am when facing my research data – trying very hard to be rationale. And how irrational I could be at this very moment.. I’m trying to justify for somebody who tries to fool me..
In fact tonight I really want to go see a concert. But I had no transport to get there. And cabs are too expensive. So I can’t go. The guy who was supposed to go with me also has no car. So we both poor people can’t go anywhere just because it’s night and it’s not safe to move around at night. How I miss the excellent transport in the UK which allows me to move around freely.. ahh the concert is starting in 15 minutes and here I sit idly in my room writing reflection notes of today’s interviews..
Now probably you understand a little why I sometimes jump on some invitations even though I know this isn’t right. There was this doctor who is really cute and I saw him a few times. Well apart from the fact that he’s cute, I was curious and I thought probably he could tell me the truth as we are about the same age. So the last time we saw I asked him directly why he asked me out whilst he was already married. I don’t know how to describe the shock in his face haha.. apparently no girls had asked him this peculiar question. I just want to know. All the explanations I could think of were merely ‘secondary data’ which I extrapolate from my observation and from other people’s explanation. But I want to hear from the first person who actually does this. He paused for a full minute. Probably trying to find a reason, or to find some words. Then he said ‘when I travelled to the US.. I was alone. In the weekends or after work everybody went home. And you know.. I stay alone.. I had to figure out how.. and where.. just to go get some food or something.. then after the weekend people will ask me ‘how was your weekend?’.. but they.. never call.. or ask you if you need help.. then they ask you how your weekend was.. how are you.. then you say ahh good.. what is this..? haha.. you know.. sometimes.. when we travel.. we are very lonely..’
At that moment I was the one who froze. How true. How TRUE.. yes so many have asked how I am doing whilst they don’t really care how actually I am doing. I went through weekends facing my laptop then I had to pretend I had a very good one.. To me saying how are you is just another way of saying hi. And I start doing the same too as I also do not actually care how other people are doing. And it’s so true that I am so lonely, so horribly lonely. Although my heart and soul is full with passion for the research data I’ve got. But you know I really lack somebody to share this with. Or to explore things together. Or you know.. just anything. At that moment I didn’t want to differentiate whether he was making up an excuse or telling the truth. I just wanted to believe the latter was true.
Anyway he stopped calling after my confrontation. I guess I satisfied my curiosity but I lost a friend. Well whether he told me the truth or not I don’t at all attempt to analyse. Because having somebody to understand you, though for just one minute, is just so precious. It’s funny to think about how serious I am when facing my research data – trying very hard to be rationale. And how irrational I could be at this very moment.. I’m trying to justify for somebody who tries to fool me..
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Shame on being a chinese 15/07/10
The coming in of Chinese government (after kicking the Taiwanese off in 2008) in Malawi is a controversial one. Some said they’re good – because they’re showering the Malawi government with lots of gifts – and the latest one being the construction of a five-star hotel, an international conference and Karonga-Chitipa motorway. Some said the gift benefits only the government as the goodness doesn’t flow down to the grassroots. Others said Chinese = no quality, as there’re plenty of low quality Chinese made products flooding the market. You can’t believe how bad the goods are – I can guarantee you any made-in-China batteries you buy in Malawi run out of batteries in less than five minutes. No joke. I didn’t believe it myself and tried 6 batteries – so I can testify it was not mere bad luck to get empty batteries! And a bag I bought had its handle broken just after one day. My landlady bought an extension cord that spoilt a few of her electrical devices. The Malawians complain a lot about the slippers, which could just give away in less than a month. Well the list goes on.. what I want to say is it’s ok if the price is low then you deserve low quality goods. Just like in the UK or Malaysia or anywhere else, we get Chinese goods everywhere and in a wide range of prices. If you pay more, you get better goods. That’s fair. But things aren’t the same here in Malawi. unscrupulous traders bring in low quality goods and sell at high prices. As this is the first wave of Chinese goods hitting local market, and they ‘look’ perfectly fine, many are selling good. And sometimes the local people have no choice. Many things aren’t manufactured locally so they have to buy imported goods. So for those who can’t afford expensive imports, they just have to turn to such low quality goods. To me, it is just another way to bully poor people.
I never said I’m a Chinese here. Because I can’t agree with many things the Chinese do here. First, it is about the bad quality goods they bring into such a poor country. You know you actually make people poorer by selling these goods although they’re much cheaper than other goods. Secondly, the Chinese don’t mingle with the local, or the expatriates, or just anybody else. Even I find it hard to communicate with them. I have a few Chinese neighbours who never seem to be interested to start a conversation with anybody else. I only had one chance to talk to them. And they thought it was ‘unbelievable’ (derogatively) for me to take minibuses.
There was during one of the interviews I went to a suburban area to talk to somebody who plays an important role in the society of traditional medicine in Malawi. His vision was to make Malawian traditional medicine as marketable as the Chinese traditional medicine. I do not disagree with his ambition because I do think how TCM is practised, regulated and marketable does worth learning from. However I do disagree very strongly with his approach as to how this should be done. He wants to ‘talk to the President’ (I sometimes think the President of Malawi is somehow equivalent to the Emperor!) to bring in as many Chinese doctors as possible in order to open clinics at rural areas ‘to give service to the people at rural areas’. And these doctors too could teach our local traditional practitioners in Malawi. Oh gosh. He really thinks all Chinese are angels. I spent one hour trying to explain to him why language can be a problem and why not everybody is well intentioned. You know that’s the beauty of the Malawian hearts I saw here. Which really makes my heart melt. They are so genuine. Perhaps too naive to be true when the rest of the world has become so.. hmm vicious (well I could use the word vicious, if to think relatively to the naivety among Malawians). They are just so kind and so.. pure.. I don’t know how to describe.. like babies whom you feel it’s your responsibility to protect them. And it makes me extremely angry when others come in to bully these innocent people. And indeed it makes me even more furious to learn the local Malawians (especially politicians) try to bully their own people. You know those looks – those LOOKS, in the eyes of the children, the women, the men, everybody – it’s completely free of viciousness.. those grins, those smiles – so genuine, so kind, so pure.. I just have no words for these.. it makes me teary whenever I think of these kind gestures..
After a few days I visited one of the Chinese clinics in town. Just out of curiosity whether they’re indeed so ‘saint’-like as described by the traditional healer leader. The moment I pushed open the door of the clinic, what greeted me was just completely out of what I had expected. There was no Chinese doctor. There was only one Malawian ‘doctor’ – I said doctor because he had a stethoscope with him. And a bed, probably for acupuncture. Simple furniture. And a poster on the wall showing the entry points for acupuncture. I asked if he was the doctor. Shyly he replied yes. I said I actually was expecting a Chinese doctor because the signboard outside of the clinic was written in Chinese. He said ah no, the Chinese doctor was taking care of another clinic in town.
‘Do you see patients? And give them treatment?’ Yes.
‘How and where did you get your training?’.. ‘ahh.. Dr xxx trained me for two years..’
‘How.. and where were you trained..?’ ... ‘just here.. in Lilongwe.. Dr xxx wants a boy.. so he took me..’
So this Dr xxx wanted to train a male TCM doctor. That’s great.
And I asked what was his background qualification before embarking on ‘training’ (note: this training actually was apprenticeship, where he observed and learned what the Chinese doctor did for two years). He said ‘ahh.. no.. ‘ I asked ‘MSCE?’ (that’s equivalent to O level or MCE). Again he said ‘ahh.. no..’
So where did you work before Dr xxx took you for training?
‘ahh.. I was working in a bakery..’
Oh God. Oh great.
Dr xxx was too busy to take care of more than one clinic. So he wanted a ‘boy’ to do that for him. And that’s why the training.
‘Let me show you some medications’.
Then he took me to the shelf with some very simple OTC Chinese medications and some herbs.
‘If the patient has stomach problem, take this. pain in the knee, this; headache, this; cough, this;.....’
The list goes on. He has learned how to ‘diagnose’ (by taking information from patients, so basically patients are diagnosing themselves) and prescribe. Just matching list A to list B. As simple as that.
Not only that. He even showed me a plastic bag full of Viagra and ARVs imported from China. Oh god he’s so naive. He didn’t even know he was showing me something that was illegal. And it happened that the sale for Viagra is very good. So good that the money he can make from Viagra per day is even higher than his one month salary. Oh so how much is his monthly salary?
‘Six thousand kwacha..’ (I felt a pinch in my stomach - £24 a month?!?)
‘How much did you earn when you worked at the bakery?’
‘Fifteen thousand kwacha’ (that’s £60 a month)
‘That’s too low for your job now. Don’t you think so?’
‘Ahh.. nah.. it’s ok (grin, the grin that really makes me ache). Many of my friends now have no job. And Dr xxx will take me to China one day.. I will learn there..’
By this moment I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore. A live example of how Chinese cheats stand in front of my eyes. The Chinese doctor just wants somebody to man his shop, so that he could sell his goods – he doesn’t care about patient safety; he’s not bothered about paying his employee fairly; he’s not even ashamed of giving false hope to this poor young man about ‘taking him to China’.
What I want to say was just ‘I’m sorry’ but I couldn’t find my words.. and I couldn’t say this because he definitely didn’t understand.. in the end I asked him to go back to school to at least get a MSCE so that he could enrol into medical school to become a real doctor.
I made the conversation quick so that I could leave the clinic before my eyes got watery again. I can’t bear the thought how people come into this country to exploit the local people. I can’t bear it even more when this is done by somebody who shares the same culture with me. When a white man does it, I could somehow console myself ‘ahh those hypocrite donors..’ but when a Chinese does that it makes me extremely embarrassed..! I’m sorry – I want to say I am sorry, I am sorry we have caused you so much pain.. I’m so sorry a Chinese has done that..
I never said I’m a Chinese here. Because I can’t agree with many things the Chinese do here. First, it is about the bad quality goods they bring into such a poor country. You know you actually make people poorer by selling these goods although they’re much cheaper than other goods. Secondly, the Chinese don’t mingle with the local, or the expatriates, or just anybody else. Even I find it hard to communicate with them. I have a few Chinese neighbours who never seem to be interested to start a conversation with anybody else. I only had one chance to talk to them. And they thought it was ‘unbelievable’ (derogatively) for me to take minibuses.
There was during one of the interviews I went to a suburban area to talk to somebody who plays an important role in the society of traditional medicine in Malawi. His vision was to make Malawian traditional medicine as marketable as the Chinese traditional medicine. I do not disagree with his ambition because I do think how TCM is practised, regulated and marketable does worth learning from. However I do disagree very strongly with his approach as to how this should be done. He wants to ‘talk to the President’ (I sometimes think the President of Malawi is somehow equivalent to the Emperor!) to bring in as many Chinese doctors as possible in order to open clinics at rural areas ‘to give service to the people at rural areas’. And these doctors too could teach our local traditional practitioners in Malawi. Oh gosh. He really thinks all Chinese are angels. I spent one hour trying to explain to him why language can be a problem and why not everybody is well intentioned. You know that’s the beauty of the Malawian hearts I saw here. Which really makes my heart melt. They are so genuine. Perhaps too naive to be true when the rest of the world has become so.. hmm vicious (well I could use the word vicious, if to think relatively to the naivety among Malawians). They are just so kind and so.. pure.. I don’t know how to describe.. like babies whom you feel it’s your responsibility to protect them. And it makes me extremely angry when others come in to bully these innocent people. And indeed it makes me even more furious to learn the local Malawians (especially politicians) try to bully their own people. You know those looks – those LOOKS, in the eyes of the children, the women, the men, everybody – it’s completely free of viciousness.. those grins, those smiles – so genuine, so kind, so pure.. I just have no words for these.. it makes me teary whenever I think of these kind gestures..
After a few days I visited one of the Chinese clinics in town. Just out of curiosity whether they’re indeed so ‘saint’-like as described by the traditional healer leader. The moment I pushed open the door of the clinic, what greeted me was just completely out of what I had expected. There was no Chinese doctor. There was only one Malawian ‘doctor’ – I said doctor because he had a stethoscope with him. And a bed, probably for acupuncture. Simple furniture. And a poster on the wall showing the entry points for acupuncture. I asked if he was the doctor. Shyly he replied yes. I said I actually was expecting a Chinese doctor because the signboard outside of the clinic was written in Chinese. He said ah no, the Chinese doctor was taking care of another clinic in town.
‘Do you see patients? And give them treatment?’ Yes.
‘How and where did you get your training?’.. ‘ahh.. Dr xxx trained me for two years..’
‘How.. and where were you trained..?’ ... ‘just here.. in Lilongwe.. Dr xxx wants a boy.. so he took me..’
So this Dr xxx wanted to train a male TCM doctor. That’s great.
And I asked what was his background qualification before embarking on ‘training’ (note: this training actually was apprenticeship, where he observed and learned what the Chinese doctor did for two years). He said ‘ahh.. no.. ‘ I asked ‘MSCE?’ (that’s equivalent to O level or MCE). Again he said ‘ahh.. no..’
So where did you work before Dr xxx took you for training?
‘ahh.. I was working in a bakery..’
Oh God. Oh great.
Dr xxx was too busy to take care of more than one clinic. So he wanted a ‘boy’ to do that for him. And that’s why the training.
‘Let me show you some medications’.
Then he took me to the shelf with some very simple OTC Chinese medications and some herbs.
‘If the patient has stomach problem, take this. pain in the knee, this; headache, this; cough, this;.....’
The list goes on. He has learned how to ‘diagnose’ (by taking information from patients, so basically patients are diagnosing themselves) and prescribe. Just matching list A to list B. As simple as that.
Not only that. He even showed me a plastic bag full of Viagra and ARVs imported from China. Oh god he’s so naive. He didn’t even know he was showing me something that was illegal. And it happened that the sale for Viagra is very good. So good that the money he can make from Viagra per day is even higher than his one month salary. Oh so how much is his monthly salary?
‘Six thousand kwacha..’ (I felt a pinch in my stomach - £24 a month?!?)
‘How much did you earn when you worked at the bakery?’
‘Fifteen thousand kwacha’ (that’s £60 a month)
‘That’s too low for your job now. Don’t you think so?’
‘Ahh.. nah.. it’s ok (grin, the grin that really makes me ache). Many of my friends now have no job. And Dr xxx will take me to China one day.. I will learn there..’
By this moment I couldn’t look into his eyes anymore. A live example of how Chinese cheats stand in front of my eyes. The Chinese doctor just wants somebody to man his shop, so that he could sell his goods – he doesn’t care about patient safety; he’s not bothered about paying his employee fairly; he’s not even ashamed of giving false hope to this poor young man about ‘taking him to China’.
What I want to say was just ‘I’m sorry’ but I couldn’t find my words.. and I couldn’t say this because he definitely didn’t understand.. in the end I asked him to go back to school to at least get a MSCE so that he could enrol into medical school to become a real doctor.
I made the conversation quick so that I could leave the clinic before my eyes got watery again. I can’t bear the thought how people come into this country to exploit the local people. I can’t bear it even more when this is done by somebody who shares the same culture with me. When a white man does it, I could somehow console myself ‘ahh those hypocrite donors..’ but when a Chinese does that it makes me extremely embarrassed..! I’m sorry – I want to say I am sorry, I am sorry we have caused you so much pain.. I’m so sorry a Chinese has done that..
The concept of ‘wealth’ in Malawi – it isn’t about money!
It really takes me a long time to get my head around this issue – actually the puzzle didn’t start with ‘how do they define wealth?’ as I previously ASSUME (yes – lots of assumptions!!) they perceived wealth the same way as I do. In westernised context, wealth = accumulation of personal belongings that could be measured in money terms. And because we all are capitalist, that means we believe there’re limited capital out there which everybody wants to have a share from. Of course the stronger ones will win and become ‘rich’, or ‘wealthy’.
So the difference is, in Malawian (I’m not sure if it applies to all Africans?) terms – ‘wealth’ accumulates in the same way (where you need to fight for it) BUT it isn’t money – it’s social status. Whilst there’s rat race in westernised societies for money, there is rat race in Malawian society for social status. But how do you measure social status? Well it’s not as straight forward and quantifiable as in money terms. You’ll be wealthier if more people look up to you or admire you – so in order to do that, you need to give some sort of assistance to as many people as possible. That’s why the concept of extended families works in Africa but not in our society – because people value good reputation over accumulation of personal wealth. And in fact you don’t possibly have a good name if you are too rich – that’s an implication of you do not share your wealth.
Sometimes social status can be lifted when you’re associated with some important people. It’s not necessary for you to have lots of money to enjoy admiration from others but merely associating yourself with people who have lots of money gains admiration. That’s why we say Africans are very communal – they do gathering all the time. And that’s why you hear people attending weddings, funerals, or any other social events ALL the time – to the extent employers find them seriously affecting work productivity lol! Very sociable – and that’s the thing we’re missing in a society that values money more than anything else. The motivation for a westernised society to connect with other people is lost – as what matters most is building up your personal wealth. On the contrary, the motivation for connecting with others is very high in African society. Although I’m trying to explain as if they have motive to make friends but the outcome of it isn’t just about lifting a person’s social status. You get happiness, you get friends, you gain something people in the ‘modern’ society are losing – that’s why you don’t hear people are ‘depressed’, ‘stressed’, or suffering from mental illness.. people gain reassurance of themselves from others. Actually we human beings are inherently sociable creature – we have the need to be socially accepted. We inherently want to be part of the society so we strive to do what the majority are doing. Only when we think we aren’t the ‘weird’ ones out in the society (or in any type of social space, not limited by physical boundary), we’re assured of ourselves and therefore not ‘depressed’ or ‘stressed’. So people here in Malawi do it by talking (or gossiping, most of the time!) and finding their niche in the society. They gain self assurance through their daily connection with others, which spend a lot of time (and therefore deemed ‘inefficient’ at work by us!) yes, but perhaps that’s the best remedy/prevention for depression. Hmm in fact I think, if the west is scared of high HIV rate in countries like Malawi, the Malawians should be afraid of high depression rate in the west! You gain one, you lose the other one – that’s what we call ‘fair trade’ LOL!!!
So the difference is, in Malawian (I’m not sure if it applies to all Africans?) terms – ‘wealth’ accumulates in the same way (where you need to fight for it) BUT it isn’t money – it’s social status. Whilst there’s rat race in westernised societies for money, there is rat race in Malawian society for social status. But how do you measure social status? Well it’s not as straight forward and quantifiable as in money terms. You’ll be wealthier if more people look up to you or admire you – so in order to do that, you need to give some sort of assistance to as many people as possible. That’s why the concept of extended families works in Africa but not in our society – because people value good reputation over accumulation of personal wealth. And in fact you don’t possibly have a good name if you are too rich – that’s an implication of you do not share your wealth.
Sometimes social status can be lifted when you’re associated with some important people. It’s not necessary for you to have lots of money to enjoy admiration from others but merely associating yourself with people who have lots of money gains admiration. That’s why we say Africans are very communal – they do gathering all the time. And that’s why you hear people attending weddings, funerals, or any other social events ALL the time – to the extent employers find them seriously affecting work productivity lol! Very sociable – and that’s the thing we’re missing in a society that values money more than anything else. The motivation for a westernised society to connect with other people is lost – as what matters most is building up your personal wealth. On the contrary, the motivation for connecting with others is very high in African society. Although I’m trying to explain as if they have motive to make friends but the outcome of it isn’t just about lifting a person’s social status. You get happiness, you get friends, you gain something people in the ‘modern’ society are losing – that’s why you don’t hear people are ‘depressed’, ‘stressed’, or suffering from mental illness.. people gain reassurance of themselves from others. Actually we human beings are inherently sociable creature – we have the need to be socially accepted. We inherently want to be part of the society so we strive to do what the majority are doing. Only when we think we aren’t the ‘weird’ ones out in the society (or in any type of social space, not limited by physical boundary), we’re assured of ourselves and therefore not ‘depressed’ or ‘stressed’. So people here in Malawi do it by talking (or gossiping, most of the time!) and finding their niche in the society. They gain self assurance through their daily connection with others, which spend a lot of time (and therefore deemed ‘inefficient’ at work by us!) yes, but perhaps that’s the best remedy/prevention for depression. Hmm in fact I think, if the west is scared of high HIV rate in countries like Malawi, the Malawians should be afraid of high depression rate in the west! You gain one, you lose the other one – that’s what we call ‘fair trade’ LOL!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)